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Happy New Year, happy 2018!!!

content discovered on Sunday, December 31, 2017 in health nature

So that was 2017.Pfff, what a year it was!The year without a husband in the house after 36 years of marriage, including 20 years of being the hotelkeeper, if you understand what I mean.The year sharing a very tiny pension with 4 people.I got in contact with my university friend again, and we won't loose contact ever again. Got in contact with another one and didn't even hear a thank you after sending a photo of two middle aged men enjoying a beer. Well, we had a nice day visiting. Some nice memories, and...

Decision nephrologist

content discovered on Thursday, August 24, 2017 in blog health hospital kidney insufficiency medical renal insufficiency

From a new one to a new one. From better to best. Today I went to see the nephrologist again.I was very stressed.I expected to see the nice woman, and it turned out to be a young man.So I asked him if she was changed into the male version. He looked puzzled and then smiled: 'she's on vacation'/'Oh, she should have planned her appointments better,' was my reaction, 'I'm very fed up with ever changing faces.'They don't know what is the matter.But the echo showed the right kidney is smaller than the other...

47. DVD of the BBC-series: Great Rift: Africa's...

content discovered on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 in bucketlist nature wishlist within reach

I'm very impressed by the BBC series: Great Rift: Africa's Wild HeartI love every moment of it.The way nature is filmed is amazing. The effort the crew took to give us an insight in animal behaviour was huge. But it certainly paid off.It's one of the few series that keeps me focused from the first second to the last. And makes me dream long after the episodes have finished.The series is narrated by Hugh Quarshie, one of my favorite players of Holby City.His voice calms me, and draws me in the film even m...

Gone and back

content discovered on Wednesday, August 2, 2017 in blog health kidney insufficiency my day renal insufficiency

So I did the urine collecting a week later.When I collected the containers I expected one with a liquid or powder and one without. But they were both without.The first day went OK, the second day my kidneys almost shut down, and as I didn't know if I could take a tablet to keep them going I took nothing. Maybe they can find the reason of the shutting down..Had to pee in a little pot too. Pity...just a few drops. I was afraid they would tell me in the hospital it was not enough, but the nurse didn't even ...

46. Each time they sound a smile of a friend en...

content discovered on Monday, July 31, 2017 in bucketlist wishlist within reach

Yesterday I was talking with one of my daughters about the new friends online that are such a huge support, just as my offline friends.Some offered to go with me to hospital appointments, which is very kind. Right now I don't need a person to go with me to talk to the doc, because going by myself makes me more focused and more critical.But I don't know what I need in the near future.I said: 'Sometimes internet is not as good as writing letters, otherwise I could put their letters of support in my bag'.Do...

Passchendaele 2017

content discovered on Monday, July 31, 2017 in blog event people

When you died by the need to kill and disappeared for forever in the mud of war when you died a father, a partner, a son, a brother, and a dear friend, you were just gone and none even knew at the moment The hell created by others because the lives of you all are just part of a game of ego and false power took all you stood for and more And there you are a name on a wall, no grave but you left us far more You left us our future our new generations You gave us peace. © Syl Ple...

So I try

content discovered on Saturday, July 29, 2017 in blog health kidney insufficiency my day renal insufficiency

Today I started to feel better.I'm sure it was due to all the well wishes ( ;)).My head was not as clouded and my muscles could deal with movement longer and with less pain and tiredness.I think the shock of being at stage 4 already and the realization that I have to choose for dialysis or refusing dialysis, and that it all means that when things won't improve I'm going to die sooner than later is fading.Refusing treatment is not an option.Dialysis at home is not an option. Not enough room for the machin...

Admin problems -2-

content discovered on Saturday, July 29, 2017 in blog money my day

The appointment for the heart echo arrived.It's scheduled at the same day as the visit to the cardiologist. So there won't be a written report available during the consultation.The health insurance was also present in the mailbox. It was agreed I would pay on their site, but I had to contact them again because there was no payment link.So I got the bill in the regular mail.Those people are very very sick!!!Well, at least I can pay and maybe then all issues will be finally solved. After precisely 6 months...

...and I played calm.

content discovered on Saturday, July 29, 2017 in blog health money my day renal insufficiency

People don't like to read blogs about depression, illness and pain, unless they suffer from the same.I know that, but I still write about my days, because I think it's important to give an insight what goes on, so people are able to help and support someone to feel better, or live through it too, knowing they're not alone.No news on the subject of the financial administration. I bugged the organisation that collects the rent to confirm receiving my mail, first by using the regular email account and then ...

Entering the world of nephrology.

content discovered on Sunday, July 23, 2017 in blog health hospital kidney insufficiency medical my day

When you smile...there's something good in it, isn't it? I feel like I'm on a sliding slope.When I was in hospital waiting for the morning or death, I didn't feel like this at all.I had the feeling all was about attitude and inner peace. I got that. Didn't feel dependent on anything. Just being in the hands of life, of nature, and with the request to the nurses to place my bed under the trees and stars outside so I could die there, I was at rest.If I hadn't survived it would have been OK too.Now I feel ...

Mistake in referral, and decision.

content discovered on Saturday, July 22, 2017 in blog health hospital my day

So I got the paperwork from hospital.In a hurry I have to collect urine during two days.Need to go to hospital to collect the containers,collect two days,bring them back, and get bloodwork done.When I make a mistake, like forgetting to collect, I have to start collecting again. So I have to go to hospital to fetch a new container.And then I have to sit for 30 minutes in a position I rarely take for longer than a minute, in a silent room, without reading or whatever, alone, and the blood pressure is taken...

43. Went to the 4-Days Marches

content discovered on Friday, July 21, 2017 in bucketlist done event wishlist

The main event in our city, Nijmegen, is a special event called: The 4-Days Marches.The festivities around it start the Saturday before.It's a huge festival with open air concerts, music everywhere in the center in town, and a lot more.And Tuesday early in the morning, the marches start. All 4 days people walk the same age-related distance of 30, 40 or 50 km, the routes are different each day.On Friday the last part is walked on a long straight road, which is only called that day: Via Gladiola.Because th...

Time to call the hospital twice.

content discovered on Thursday, July 20, 2017 in blog health hospital my day

It took 31 minutes to 1. phone cardiology. I got an appointment, but only with the cardiologist, not for the echo.So either they had forgotten the echo, or the appointment was made as a reaction to the kidney tests. I wanted to know what was going on.It took quite a while waiting, but then the secretary had a peek in my files and said they'd forgotten to make an appointment for an echo. It was the 6-month appointment, not a reaction on the kidney problems. (Caused by heart-medication).The person who mak...

Pension to 68 in U.K.?

content discovered on Wednesday, July 19, 2017 in health news politics

By keeping the oldies at work, we're creating a lost generation. The UK state pension age increase to 68 will be brought forward to 2039.Of course there are a lot of reasons.People live longer, not enough young people to earn it, etc etc.Let's look at one of the two main reasons: people live longer.This statistical statement is true, I assume.People live longer. So they will need a pension longer. Pure logic.Independent of health or quality of life, the pension is needed.But does that also lead to the ...

42. Study ethics

content discovered on Sunday, July 16, 2017 in bucketlist education maybe politics wishlist

I would love to have the opportunity to study ethics.It has been of the main subject in my life.When I was young, my uncles loved to discuss ethical matters like war, resistance. We sat for hours discussing things, while my gram gave us coffee, tea, lemonade and her home baked cookies.Often she would sit with me later in the week, reviewing the discussion, giving advice.At university I often found myself discussion matters with my fellow students and professors.It was in a time that feminists were lookin...

No letter

content discovered on Saturday, July 15, 2017 in blog health kidney insufficiency my day

I expected a letter from the hospital, but alas. Nothing. Not from cardiology, not from nephrology.The heartmedication I take is complete again. So my bloodpressure is within limits, but the pruritis has started again. The muscle weakness too.That indicates that the heartmedication is the main problem for my kidneys.I knew that already, but this is very clear evidence.It's strange that there is not another system used than letting a patient wait the whole waitinglist and then have a nephrologist see him ...

And now.....wait

content discovered on Friday, July 14, 2017 in blog health kidney insufficiency my day

So our family doctor considered taking care of the kidney problems a matter of urgency.But the hospital?As far as I can see in the system it'll take 17 days before an appointment.17 days!!!!When waiting to be seen by the cardiologist the waiting time would have resulted in death wouldn't I not have been in hospital. I was lucky then.And now?To prevent problems I skipped part of my medication.The cardiologist told me not to do so. Last time he told me I was irresponsible, but I had to take action because ...

My first reaction to CKD4

content discovered on Thursday, July 13, 2017 in blog health kidney insufficiency my day

When my doc contacted me with the blood results I wasn't surprised.All the symptoms already made me think about kidney problems, but I didn't expect it to be as serious as the blood results suggest.I was surprised my doc didn't wait until the next day to contact the hospital. Within an hour I got confirmation that they had received his mail and I got a registration number.I'm still feeling disbelief, the alienation of a huge shock. Part because I thought to have enough time to make decisions. But when I ...

Bad news: Stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease

content discovered on Wednesday, July 12, 2017 in blog health kidney insufficiency my day

This morning I felt horrible. I could hardly move around. I was dizzy, my muscles were very weak, there was some dull heeadache, brainfog,and a lot more was wrong.My blood pressure was OK, heart rate slightly higher than usual, and the saturation was changing from 94 to 98% and back.Reviewing everything I expected the problems due to the kidney insufficiencyI always had good kidneys until I started to experience the effects of the heart medication. Maybe by that time the consequences of the heartfailure ...

My road

content discovered on Thursday, July 6, 2017 in blog my day

The other day i was talking with a friend and she said, when she heard that I was volunteering, while I in fact needed to take some rest: 'Hun, which road are you taking?'It made me think of a poem that was taught at school. I loved it so much, that I had it printed and put it on my desk.My gram and I often talked about traveling through life, that we have to take our own road and not do what others do.It has been my inspiration through life. Made me realize I have to stay the person I m, and stay true t...

39. A caregiver's house

content discovered on Tuesday, July 4, 2017 in bucketlist maybe money wishlist

The past years the care for people has moved from professionals to family, or better said; from educated and paid, to uneducated and non-paid.The influence on me and my family is tremendous.The oldest went from living in a house with professional care (office within the house), to living in his own apartment without any care at all.The second son was living in his own apartment, rented from a care-organisation, with 24 hours service from professional caretakers, who had their office in the apartment buil...

I hate my medication

content discovered on Monday, July 3, 2017 in blog health money my day

When my heart gave up, I was turned into a pill eating machine.I know these clusters of chemicals keep me alive, but that doesn't mean I love them for it. Not at all.They take a lot of my time and attention. 4 times a day I have to remember to take them, if I want or not, regardless of the place or situation. I've learned to take them with a piece of bread or something like that, because water is not always available.It's not possible to take all boxes and pots with me, so I have to fill special boxes.So...

38. Singing jazz

content discovered on Sunday, July 2, 2017 in bucketlist music people wishlist within reach

It was such a privilege to live in the same city as one of the most famous singers of the world, a civil rights activist, a woman with so many thoughts and feelings that she could understand the young woman I was.When I told my gram I'd discovered Nina Simone lived in our city, she smiled and told me to go and talk to her. 'Maybe she's lonely as the only black woman here.', she said. 'You're one of the few here who speaks her language fluently, and people always appreciate to be able to speak in their ow...

Like he had to reinvent the world

content discovered on Sunday, July 2, 2017 in blog health

Understanding a bit of dementia It's half a year now, since he left the house, and I'm still dealing with the peculiarities of his dementia.The 115 pairs of new socks have found a place, the enormous piles of blouses too. But I'm still dealing with the chaos he's created in the world of money.I tried to be polite and kind when stopping memberships he didn't need anymore.I've got plenty of bills over the past months of memberships he's told me he's stopped.I tied to explain the situation and most of them...

What to do with birthdays?

content discovered on Friday, June 30, 2017 in blog event people

It was so easy when the children were small. I just planned a birthday, with a cake, visitors, decorations and the whole lot, and whatever happened that day, the child was happy.When they were a bit older, they had wishes, ideas and dreams. A princes's birthday, no visitors, but cake at a railwaystation, a day in the swimmingpool with icecream, and fries at the skatinghall.We've went through it all. The privilege of a large family.In puberty some of them disappeared. Wanted to go to the movies with their...

The re-examination

content discovered on Thursday, June 29, 2017 in blog money my day people politics

The government has decided that more people with special needs should get a job.So today my classic autistic son needed to be re-examined.The meeting was a combination of the present need for re-examination and a regular re-examination because his evaluation isn't right.A few years ago I went with him for his first evaluation. We were accompanied by a very handsome and friendly woman of a care-organisation.We expected he would be considered to be unable to work.But the doctor who evaluated his case didn'...

Changing, changing, oh and changing.

content discovered on Monday, June 26, 2017 in blog my day

I was trying to get things arranged for a whole list of meetings this week. Some days had two meetings at different places, an as I don't have a driver's license, I have to rely on the boys to drive me around.I'm OK with meetings, even though I tend to get bored after an hour or so, unless I'm the chairman or I can participate enough to keep my brains busy. :)But running from one to another... no please.So I was trying to get things sorted, so none of the boys would feel used, and I could be certain to g...

More surprise-bills

content discovered on Saturday, June 24, 2017 in blog money my day

My income is so low that I can't do anything extra. That's why I'm looking for a job at the age of 61, knowing that not even 3% of my age can get a job.When I got the small income I cancelled a lot of things: memberships, magazines, the local paper, educational stuff, etc etc.I didn't know the father of the children still had a library membership. But I know now: with a bill of 60 euro.None uses it.So I wrote the library a mail, explaining the situation, and they told me not to pay the bill, and they can...

And we saw daughter 2, finally.

content discovered on Friday, June 23, 2017 in blog creativity education family my day

After a hectic day we dressed up and went to the ballet performances. Far too early, because we expected problems on the road.Celine Dion was about to give a concert that evening in a huge venue, and we had to drive on the road leading to the venue to reach the bridge near the academy.We thought traffic would come to a standstill, but it didn't. We had some slow traffic with people changing lanes without signalling it, but it was at the place where they were guiding all cars for the concert to the right,...

34. Watch seals near Texel

content discovered on Friday, June 23, 2017 in bucketlist nature wishlist within reach

Spotting seals on or near Texel can be as easy as you wish.On Texel they care for seals in a seal hospital.For children it's a very interesting place, as they can see how the seals are cared for, and they can even watch feeding them.And when you're lucky you'll see them when you're on the ferry to Texel. I haven't been that lucky.You can also go to those beaches where they visit regularly or from where you can see them on a sandbank with your binoculars. Mind the time: two hours before low tide until an ...

Art & architecture

content discovered on Thursday, June 22, 2017 in blog creativity education

Quite some years ago my second son was a student at the dance academy.Often people could find me there participating in activities to improve either his school and the academy.It was a time of money and plans. and because I had some architecture courses at the university I was invited in the building commission, first of the school and soon after of the new to build academy.I enjoyed working for the school. The architect was an old man, with lots of knowledge and a good insight in what the school needed....

33. I want to learn sheepfarming

content discovered on Thursday, June 22, 2017 in bucketlist maybe nature wishlist

In the past I didn't like sheep. I considered them to be a stinking lot, but the little ones were cute.Gradually my opinion changed, and I started to get interested in what's needed to farm them.I don't expect to be able to keep sheep unless I can realize my dream to live somewhere in the UK and some money shower hits me.But as life never stops to suprise me, I decided to put this on my bucketlist too.I have far too many items on it I'll never able to afford anyway.So let's value the dream, and enjoy dre...

We only saw one of them!

content discovered on Wednesday, June 21, 2017 in blog creativity education family my day

The dance academy offers lots of opportunities for students to be creative, but there isn't enough tuition about the influence of their actions on the public.Most of the time it's about messy performances, chaos on the floor and completely not artistic issues.This time the decision was made to have a couple of performances at the same time and the public was supposed to walk between them.We got a very large leaflet, with lots of test, two schedules, one with a lot of text, and the message when we arrived...

32. The Settle-Carlisle Railway

content discovered on Wednesday, June 21, 2017 in bucketlist maybe travel wishlist

Even though I was (and am) a girl, Ron wanted to show one of the Welsh most remarkable features. He told me we would go to see a viaduct, and first wanted to hear from me if I knew the meaning of a viaduct. I was 11 and knew the meaning. He smiled. I remember his smile and the way he looked to my dad, as if they had prepared a huge surprise.Well, he didn't prepare it himself. Lots of hard working men did that before it opened in august 1875.I was surprised indeed: 24 arches to cover the distance of a bea...

Heatwave 2017

content discovered on Tuesday, June 20, 2017 in blog education my day nature

We're dealing with a heatwave.And 'we' in a broad sense. Even in England the temperatures are at a high that is seldom seen.I believe London has its warmest day in 20 years.Here temps are above 30 degrees Celsius.I opened the door and it was like pushing against a wall and then someone pushing a pillow in my face.Laundry doesn't dry in the wind, it's steamed dry.The brambles dry before they become fruit, the red berries are already dark red and juicy and the clay is drying out and killing all new life in...

Dolf Toussaint has died.

content discovered on Monday, June 19, 2017 in journalism news people

Today it was announced that Dolf Toussaint has died last Tuesday at the age of 92.Dolf was wellknown photographer who was valued and admired for the way he was able to tell his story not with words, but with photographs.He taught me that photographs should speak for themselves and one should depict people in such a way that no extra information is needed.So one should not only focus to get a sharp image of a person, the environment is just as important, and needs a true representation which is at the sam...

30. Shepherding

content discovered on Sunday, June 18, 2017 in bucketlist nature slight chance wishlist

Working with a sheepdog seems to be such a privilege.Even being present at a contest in the UK would make me feel very delighted.Dog and shepherd are such a close team. It's fascinating to see the dog react to each and every whistle and thus bringing the sheep where the shepherd wants them to be.To be a good team, it's best when one teaches the dog from the moment he's born, preferably with a well trained older dog.I don't think I'll have enough time and money to do so.But I've learned in life never to s...

A bicycle again

content discovered on Saturday, June 17, 2017 in blog health my day

Finally I've got a working bicycle.One of my daughters doesn't need the one in the garden and she adjusted it for me.I was so happy that I planned visit to a friend nearby. And when I went, I forgot to take a present.The last time I used my former bicycle I could hardly turn the wheels, because something was wrong with the thing.Now I just went on my way, enjoying the ease of movement, and I only got tired legs when I was nearly at my friends.We had several hours with coffee, enjoying talking, the dogs a...

Money, money, money....

content discovered on Friday, June 16, 2017 in blog money my day

'Money makes the world go round' Liza Minnelli sang in Cabaret.Yea... a lot of the world and of life turns around money.Finally the whole problem with the health insurance is resolved and I've got all the medication I paid for. What a relief!And then.... a blue envelope arrived.So that's the annual result of their accounting.I expected to get money back or nothing, but I didn't expect a bill of 193 Euro!My son did the admin over last year, next time I'll do it myself.I was trying to save a bit of money f...

Did she just paint herself as a gossip?

content discovered on Thursday, June 15, 2017 in blog my day people

Another meeting is over.Each month a volunteer organisation of our region meets to discuss all sorts of subjects.After a few meetings I started to get an insight in the ways people reacted, which opinions they have, and some other aspects of behaviour.Years of being a chairman of some very difficult meetings have brought some experience, I dare to say.Most people are easy to deal with. It' not a group of people that contains one or two non-speaking individuals. There is a good feeling of equality.. at le...

28. A couple of days in London

content discovered on Thursday, June 15, 2017 in bucketlist family wishlist within reach

It's long ago that Dad and I went to London.We had been with the family where he stayed during part of WW2, in Wolverhampton, and before going back to The Netherlands he wanted to show London, some places he had been during the war and get a good feel of the city.We went....almost everywhere. It seemed.I remember many great moments, places and events.We went to see the Koh-i-Noor, the largest diamond in the world, had to wait in line for over 3 hours, but it was well worth the wait. I loved to see the cr...

New kitchentap

content discovered on Wednesday, June 14, 2017 in blog my day to do list

Finally...a new kitchen tap.I didn't enjoy the old one. It didn't close easily, the spout was too low and I didn't like the look. The thing didn't shine anymore soon after installation, and that bothered me too.When closing the tap became difficult last week, the only problem was when to fetch a new one.Well,,, we've got the new one.For the last year I said that when a certain tap of the Ikea would be in the sales I would buy it.But I didn't watch the sales....So I was quite surprised to find at the site...

Volunteer work

content discovered on Tuesday, June 13, 2017 in blog my day volunteer work

What a way of starting the week!First I had to give a speech in front of a large audience room, with about 50 to 60 people.It's a part of the first session of 2 information days for people who have had heartsurgery and/or a heart attack.They get a lot of information in a few hours from the cardio-nurse, the cardiologist, me and the hospital-psychologist.Now the nurse knows me a bit, she trusts me more. But she still impresses me as looking down on the activities of our heart-organisation. During the next...

26. Indoor skydiving

content discovered on Tuesday, June 13, 2017 in bucketlist maybe wishlist

Indoor skydiving is the nearest to parajumping I can think of.I might even consider it a test for myself if I dare to jump out of a plane and bring myself in the right position to float on air.I've always enjoyed seeing indoor skydiving.It looks easy, but I know it isn't.But I think it's a great experience.So who knows.... Please respect copyright and privacy laws. Don't copy my blogposts, but redirect people to my blog when you want to share the content.

25. Fly in a hot air balloon

content discovered on Monday, June 12, 2017 in bucketlist maybe travel wishlist

When the flame is ignited again and I hear the sound, I feel like a kid and run outside, with the camera. When it drifts over my house I can't resist to wave, and often I see the people in the sky waving back.Then through the house I run, so I can see the balloon once more before it fades and lands at an unknown place.I know the balloon is huge.When it's still laying on the floor it looks like an apartment building asleep, brought to life by men running around to stretch the fabric and then shooting the ...

24. Make hats

content discovered on Sunday, June 11, 2017 in bucketlist creativity wishlist within reach

Most little girls love hats.I was lucky to grow up in a time that older women had to wear hats. So there was always one laying on a hall table, hanging from the corner of a bed or a chair, or given to me.I was not going for the look, but for the feeling.It made me feel rich and nice.Then one day my aunt or gram gave me a basket.I used it as a lady's bag, until I suddenly popped it on my head. I remember my aunt laughing.I was allowed to keep the basket. And I started to pin things on it, like flowers and...

23. Visit Petra

content discovered on Saturday, June 10, 2017 in bucketlist maybe travel wishlist

Petra is a very old Jordanian city, dated at 312 BC, one of the new 7 wonders of the world.The rock architecture is what's most attractive bout the city, but very interesting too is the water conduit system. Because of the rose coloured rock, Petra is also known as Rose-city.Petra was one of the places at a trade route, in the middle of the dessert. Because it's founders, the Nabataeans, were real experts of water control, Petra was an oasis in the dessert.Nowadays Petra is entered through a narrow gorge...

22. Become a falconer

content discovered on Friday, June 9, 2017 in bucketlist nature wishlist within reach

When I was 4, I saw a wild bird of prey in the woods. It was a large buzzard. Probably very hungry, because he didn't pay any attention to my father and me.The intensity of the moment was so strong, that the memory lasted all those years.When I was a bit older we went to a falconer's place. He had many birds. The people who accompanied me were afraid of the birds, and stayed far away. I was so fascinated by the birds' curiosity that the falconer had to warn me to keep a safe distance.He didn't give a sho...

Celebrating survival

content discovered on Thursday, June 8, 2017 in blog health my day

Am I the only one? It's a few years ago, and a few days, that a kind cardiologist told me I might not make it through the night.All he could do was to give me all the medication he had, leave the protocols at the office, and hope. Resuscitation was not possible.It was more than 3 months later when he dared to show me the images of the MRI to explain how bad the situation had been.The first year family and friends expressed their gratitude that I still was alive, but now this new birthday of survival wa...

21. A garden house

content discovered on Thursday, June 8, 2017 in bucketlist wishlist within reach

One of my oldest wishes is a garden house. A mini-place of my own, to sit quietly, write, think, create.Ofcourse an internet connection would be nice, and flowers in the window.I've never managed to have such a place of my own. I didn't even have a room.But I gave my children a small house to play, and maybe we can do something with it.It's a very small wooden house. It can only contain a chair, and maybe a shelf in front of the little window. That's it.When we make a basis of stones, and build a part if...


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